Somethings about EQ

It was the parents-teacher conference at Spring Brainy Kidz two Saturdays ago. Teacher Ezah and Teacher Joy shared with us the progress of ya tou's development. I must say that the school has put in commendable efforts to present ya tou's portfolio with photos and videos of her in action. Great job teachers!

When mentioned about Zhirui's social development, Zhirui was given the comments "a compromising girl, but yet will fight for her rights". Wow!! A paradox! Sounds profound isn't it? Hmm.. that's probably what's call EQ.. the intelligence of knowing how to respond in different situations.

I've learnt through reading that bringing up children with good emotional intelligence (EQ) starts from letting them express and understand their emotions. Because EQ is a process of being sensitive to one’s own feelings, taking into account the feelings of others, and using these information to express an appropriate action to a given situation.

For example, when Zhirui cries or throws a tantrum, I'll guide her to identify and understand her emotions like this, "Zhirui, you must be feeling upset that Mummy didn't allow you to snack before dinner. If I were you, I'll be feeling unhappy too. Mummy is not disallowing snacking totally. You may have some biscuits after dinner if you are still hungry."

There are some other tips-
1. Refrain from reprimanding the child or suppressing or labelling her emotions.. something like, "Don't cry, if you continue to cry, I will not give you any biscuits." or "You are such a cry baby." We should respect everyone's feelings, including your child's.

2. Acknowledge their emotions. Zhirui has a fear for thunder. This is how i validate her feelings. "Oh yes, thunder can sometimes be very loud that it frightens us. Mummy gets frightened too at times. Just cover your ears if it's too loud."

3. During emotional eruptions, i'll leave Zhirui to vent out all her frustrations (or may try deep breathing exercise when she's willing to listen). It usually doesn't last long as she knows this doesn't work on Daddy and Mummy. Once she finds herself back, i'll sit down beside her to discuss the emotions that went through and suggest some positive ways she could respond if such situation happens again. Lastly, ends it with a hug and a 'I love you Zhirui."

4. During day-to-day conversations, where opportunities come by, i'll share my emotions with her too. "Mummy is very glad that Zhirui waited patiently for me." or "Mummy is upset that you wasted water."

5. Story-telling helps me to introduce emotions to Zhirui too. She learns to understand the causes of emotions and how others feel under certain situation. In this way, i hope she will learn to emphatise and also be cautious of her own actions which can influence the feelings of others around her.

Sidetracking here, I realized that many Asian parents tend to get angry at our children's misbehaviour. This is inevitable. But it is wise that parents differentiate what a misbehaviour is, and what is not. For example, i don't think we should not be giving a toddler a dressing down when he messes the table up during a meal. Becos this is not a misbehaviour, but a natural display when children learn to feed themselves. Many a times, we view their curious exploration as naughtiness. So before you jump at your child, step back and think from the point of view of your child. If it is a mischief, go ahead with the discipline. If it is a harmless curiosity-driven behaviour, relax and let him experience the fun of self-discovery.

See Zhirui's new expression- *Angry face*

"Say please"

Ya tou has learnt our teachings well on mannerism. In fact, she practises it rigorously to some hilarious extent. See dialogue:

Zhirui has finished her milk and Mummy was going to retrieve the bottle from her.
Mummy: Come, give Mummy the bottle.
Zhirui: Say 'please'.
Mummy: Huh??.. Ok ok, please, can you pass me the bottle?
Zhirui: Say 'please' louder!
Mummy: What?? Why must I say 'please'?
Zhirui: Say 'please' louder!
Mummy: Ok ok.. PLEASsssE..
Zhirui: Ok! (passing the bottle over)
Mummy: hahaha... :D

You can't believe that she is doing this to us everytime we need to get something from her. Even Teacher Jerlyn has a taste of it. hee..

No Qualms about Chinese Medicine

Zhirui is an interesting little tot who doesn’t give the frown when asked to take medicine, even Chinese medicine. In fact, she sips them down like sipping her favorite soup.
We did this with the help of some little friends- piggy, baby and doraemon. In the past when Zhirui was not so receptive to medicine, we would try many ways-- like dishing out rewards. In some occasions it worked, in some, it doesn’t, when she saw through our plot.
Then one day, we told her during medication time, “Ooh.. look at piggy and baby, they take their medicine and drink lots of water. In this way, they will get well quickly. How about zhirui?” Being a keen ‘peer’ learner, she quickly replied, “I want too.”

So from then on, her little friends would join her during every medicine feeding sessions. “Let’s take turns to take medicine. Ok, who shall Mummy feed first?” “Piggy! Then baby! Then doraemon” And she will always be the last. After gulping down some water herself, she'll make sure her little friends do so too. haha..

A few months down the road, she no longer runs away during medication time. She could also understand that the doctor prescribes medicine to help her get well from an illness. Now, she has no qualms about taking medicine.

Speaking about medicine, we were very much grateful to know Physician Lee from 乐仁堂 whose medicine works effectively on Zhirui's common ailments. Everytime during new teeth emergence or just before a growth spurt, she would run a temperature. Neurofen and Dhamol help to keep dangerously high temperature at bay, but soon after the peak is over, we'll switch to Chinese medicine to dissipate the heatiness and within 2 days, Zhirui is well again. Chinese medicines are herbal in nature and hence does not harm her young and developing organs. On the other hand, Western medicines are usually synthetic and could leave residues that are not easy to get rid from the body.

A leftie and rightie

Competent in both left and right hands. Is that possible?
I’d think so. I know two such people. One is my father-in-law, the other is the fictitious character Zhou Botong, who is well-known for drawing a square and a circle using both hands simultaneously. :)

But could Zhirui be the next one?? In strict terms, ya tou is a left-hander. She is inclined towards using her left hand. But we are also training her right-hand.

We do not stop or discourage her from using her left-hand, which many parents of my parent’s generation did. Once heard an elder said that if you suppress a child’s natural inclination, he will become less intelligent because you stop him from developing the stronger hemisphere.

What we did was to ALSO encourage her to use her right hand, while keeping her natural disposition. Well that, her dominating right hemisphere will develop, together with the left. I’m not sure if this logic works. But for now, she could hold and control the pen with both her left and right hands very well.

And ya, recently ya tou has grown tall enough to ride her tricycle. Perhaps it’s time soon for Aunty Diana to take over her riding lessons. :P

My Gong gong's farm

I was told by Mummy that Gong gong has a farm. She was going to bring me there one day. Wow, I wonder how the farm looks like and what I would see!

One Saturday after Shichida class, Daddy and Mummy said we were heading to Malaysia to visit Gong gong at his farm. I jumped with joy when I heard that. But where is this place called ‘Malaysia’? Is it very far away?

Mummy explained, “Malaysia is another country not too far from us. We can drive there. But we would need a passport to travel to Malaysia because it is another country. Remember when we went China, we had to use our passports too.”

I sort of got the idea, but still yet to understand well what a ‘country’ is.. I do remember singing this song that has the word ‘country’—“This is my country, this is my flag, this is my future, this is my life, this is my family, these are my friends. We are Singapore, Singaporeans.”

Anyway, I’ve no time to figure this out for now. My mind is wandering off, thinking about the farm.

As we reached Singapore’s customs, Mummy explained that this is where ‘policemen’ checked passports, passengers and cars. So good behaviour was expected.

Our car soon cleared the customs and came to the causeway. Here, Mummy showed me how Singapore and Malaysia are separated by the Straits. “Zhirui you see, in front of us is Malaysia and behind us is Singapore. Say bye-bye to Singapore and hello to Malaysia.”
We met Gong gong shortly along the way so that he could lead the way. I was exteremely excited when Gong gong hopped onto our car. Gong gong too was beaming when he saw me. I fell asleep during the car ride and continued to sleep when we arrived at the farm.

Refreshed from my nap, I started exploring the farm. Gong gong and Daddy were busy burning away the plant debris. They had to employ the excavator to lift the wood into a pile. Mummy showed me the Banana and Winter melon plants that were planted not long ago. There were few hundreds of them. Mummy said we could have bananas in another 6 months. We also saw chickens and chicks at the neighbour’s house. Gong gong invited me to go up the excavator but I was too afraid of the monster machine.

On the way home, Mummy told me that we should help Gong gong more often at the farm as Gong gong is old. She asked me to think about the ways that I can help. Hmm..

Last Saturday, we went to the farm again. That was one month’s time away from the first visit. This time, Aunty Meifeng came along with us. The Banana plants have grown taller, and the Winter melon has bloomed. Wow! Gong gong told me we could have winter melons soon!

As Mummy was shopping for trees at the nursery (to plant at the front yard), she also bought some sunflower seeds. That was so wonderful! Because recently Mummy read me a story about the sunflower. Now we are going to plant them ourselves! With the help of Daddy and Aunty Meifeng, I planted the seeds, fifteen of them along the driveway and watered them. I can’t wait to see them sprout!

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Mummy tots:
Zhirui, I hope that this experience (and many more to come) at Gong gong’s farm has enriched your life. Hope it has impressed on you different perspectives that most urban children may not see.

Realize and appreciate how we can create things from zero, or even with our bare hands. This is the entrepreneur spirit. The ‘I can’ spirit. Gong gong is a living example. At a retiring age of 62, he is still diligently making things happen.

Run on the dirt, touch the soil and feel Nature’s big wide heart. Sow seeds and see them through harvest. You will learn to treasure your food as they do not come by easily.

愿你出污泥而不染。

Telepathy with Mummy

Not sure if it is the results of prenatal education (胎教) or breastfeeding, Zhirui and i share a very strong psychic connection, commonly called telepathy.

Everytime she's fast asleep, i'll tell myself not to think too much about her, or things relating to her. Because sometimes when i do, she will 'sense' it and wake up. Well, that's not so rosy for a Mum who needs some rest time.

Recently during the ESP practice in Shichida, Zhirui could telepathy with me very well. Parents were asked to 'send' images of a picture to their children, and the children had to pick up the picture they 'received'. Ya tou got all my 'mental messages' correctly! How stunning! *o*

More about building Ya tou's character

They say it's impossible to change a leopard's spots. I beg to differ.. when it comes to a leopard cub. Relating back to humans, I feel that it is possible (with very high success rate) to mould a child's character. It has to start young.

A person's personality comes about from an interaction of 'nature' and 'nuture' elements. Nature itself has two components- 1) true self/conscience  and 2) attributes inherited from past lives. The 'nurture' part is determined by the person's environment, the people he meets and the information he receives. This is the reason why Mencius' mother shifted her residence 3 times and the absence of television in MM Lee's house (a hearsay).

Sb and I have been very cautious in selecting Zhirui's nanny when she was younger. We were very fortunate to find Jiahui tz and Zheng tz to look after Zhirui then. Jiahui tz herself is a successful mother of two intelligent and courteous boys. She is an expert in preparing healthy meals according to Zhirui's body condition. She is careful in protecting Ya tou's young mind by not being negative in speech. Her house is also filled with books and occasional live orchestra 'performances' by Chen tz and Jianyun.

Sb believes that a child's company (caregiver, teachers, family, friends) is the key defining factor to his/her character and development. So don't worry if you can't afford a piano at home, let her visit your musician friend often, because only life can inspire life.

I remember these sayings: "Be the change you wish to see", "Change yourself before changing others." Many a times we hope to change our children, not realizing that we have to change ourselves first. If you want your child to be courteous, be a courteous person yourself, not just when you're in front of your child, but at all times with your spouse, parents, etc. Life truely mirrors.

I have been thinking what values and character i wish to see in ya tou.. Let's see..
- kind, compassionate
- helpful
- confident
- strong and courageous, independent
- self-unlimiting
- perservering
- good EQ
- forgiving
- positive
- far-sighted and wise

Am i too greedy?? haha.. it sounds almost like a perfect human.

Some stories about nurturing kindness and forgiveness..
Kindness: We have ants scavenging in our bathroom. When Zhirui bathes, the water will wash some of these ants away. I'd show ya tou how to save the ants when this happens.

Forgiving: At times when ya tou misbehaves and upsets me, she would come by and say "sorry Mummy". I will tell her, "Mummy forgives you." When the opposite happens where i make Zhirui upset, i'll ask Zhirui, "Can you forgive Mummy?". She will let out a small grin and say 'Yes". Similarly when Marcus upsets her in school, I will encourage Zhirui to forgive Marcus.

I can't mention more about building character over skills. Probably because we live in Singapore where every assessments and decisions must derive from quantifiable data, parents tend to measure their children by the amount/degree of skills they have (becos skills are measurable). So you see enrichment classes/schools flourishing in every neighbourhood, parents pumping their children with various skills. I hope we could also focus more on character-building because when sound character is inplaced, everything else will fall into place nicely. Rear a child with admirable inner qualities and not just a fanciful shell. Our child will thank us for that.

School is fun again!

The toddlers class in Spring Brainy was back in shape with Joy taking over as the form teacher. She is a very patient teacher who shares many beliefs with me in child upbringing and education. One small detail which we share, and surprises me is the preference for not showering children before naptime. We both felt that having children to sleep with uncompletely dry hair is bad for the child.. I never thought any parent is this mysophobic society will think this way!

I can see stark changes in Zhirui's attitude and behaviour since the new appointment. She is no longer upset and clingy when I drop her off, and she is more enthusiastic in telling me her day in school with Teacher Joy, Jesper and Marcus. School is fun again!!

Aside from being a little expensive, well, we all know "一分钱，一分货", the school has dedicated director, principal and teachers, small teacher-pupils ratio, decent curriculum and health-boosting menu.

Coming up is the school's year-end concert. The toddlers will be putting up a peformance which is really tickling my curiosity. Titled "小羊乖乖", believed it is about little lambs. Ya tou has been singing (and dancing) in amusingly cute manner the lyrics-- "小羊乖乖，把门开开，让我进来。不开，不开，不能开，妈妈没回来，谁来也不开。关上!"

Just yesterday upon picking up her, Zhirui rattled excitedly about the costume which she tried on in school. She is indeed in cloud nine regarding this whole performance.. hopefully we will get to see lambs and not mice during the concert. haha.. 丫头，加油！

Mid-Autumn at Lower Seletar Reservoir and the Koel

Our house overlooks the Lower Seletar Reservoir. In fact, it's just 5mins walk to the beautiful lake yet we had never brought Zhirui there.. until.. this year's mid-autumn festival!

It all began when Daddy brought some flyers home. "See Zhirui, these are called mooncakes. They looked delicious don't they?" I said while pointing enthusiastically on the flyers. Then followed the zealous talk about mid-autumn festival, not mentioning how ya tou fell head-over-heels in love with mooncakes. So Zhirui had the idea that mid-autumn festival is about mooncakes and lanterns.

A few days later, Auntie told us about the mid-autumn celebrations at the Lower Seletar Reservoir and urge us to pop over. As days near, we saw the park illuminating with attractive red lanterns and water lanterns. Zhirui was clearly showing intense eagerness to visit the park with her paper lantern. (She's got a fish lantern traditionally made with 'glass' paper from Daddy and a paper helicopter lantern from Auntie.) So, we planned it on the 13th and invited Auntie to join us.

Dragon water lantern that can 'swim'

Illuminated Fountain

We can't forget Mr Moon



Ya tou displaying her photography skills again. Picture took by ya tou.

Recently ya tou expanded her animal vocab to include 'Koel'. It is the bird that calls at dawn and dusk in our quiet neighbourhood. I guess it's habitating at the reservoir park. Ask Zhirui about the Koel bird and she will start rattling away whatever she knows about the bird. haha.. but the fact is she hasn't seen the avian before.

This is a picture i grab off from naturestops.com. It is a male Asian Koel spotted at Singapore Botanic Gardens. Resembling a crow, it is unfortunately not a friend to the former. The Koels are parasites to crows as they lay eggs in crows' nests and get them to rear their young. So are female Koels good or bad mothers?? Well, i shall leave the answer to the baby Koels. :)

Dealing with Zhirui's separation anxiety

Since Teacher Joyce left Zhirui's school in July, i noticed she had became very unsettled and insecure. More troubling still, she protested against attending the school. This had made almost every drop-offs at school an emotional meltdown for zhirui (and sometimes me).

A few episodes of absence from school due to illnesses and a holiday trip had not been very helpful in reinstating zhirui's interests and assurance in school and teachers. Somehow or rather, I have been hoping that the school could find a nice teacher to fill up her form teacher post but there seems no light at the end of the tunnel. I can tell that Zhirui needs a long-staying caregiver whom she can trust and connect with. Now, i could fully comprehend Ah Yi's decision to to follow Raphael's teacher when she joined another school..

In the earlier days, Zhirui's behaviour was more of demanding for more parental attention. Recently, she had begun to turn into a whiny and clingy koala bear.

I did some research online to understand the psychology behind whining and clinging.. Both are normal developmental behaviour of children aged between 1 and 3.

Whining- Adapted from http://www.parenting.com/article/Toddler/Behavior/how-to-silence-a-whiny-child/.
Whining occurs on early talkers and tends to peak in a child's development when she's feeling out of control and overwhelmed. As she lacks the vocabulary to articulate her frustrations, whining takes over.

Clingyness- Extracted from http://www.parenthood.com/article-topics/coping_with_a_clingy_toddler.html "Clingyness is actually a toddler’s natural response to his or her primary “assignment” – becoming autonomous. Even at the tender ages of 1, 2 and 3, children want to be independent, and their entire childhood will be about making that happen – but it’s a very gradual process and it can be scary. Clinging on to Mom or Dad at certain moments is an attempt to downsize that scariness. It’s a response to this normal process of becoming his own person." (Do you know? "toddle" actually means trailing behind mum/dad.)

For separation anxiety faced by toddlers during school drop-offs, experienced teachers had this to share, "It’s also important that the parent lets the child know that they understand they’re scared, but that mommy and daddy are sure they will be safe and will have a good time at school. And assurance that they will be back again. Teachers may help by allowing children to express their feelings about missing mom or dad."

After reading articles here and there, i've listed some ways to develop a child's independence:
1) give them lots of assurance
2) give them many chances to make choices and take charge (feeling they are in control)
3) guide them to express their feelings and thoughts
4) allow defiances (erm.. i'll try..)

My sacred trip to Yunnan- 鸡足山

One fine day, Aunty Meifeng told me that she was going to take me onboard an aeroplane. I was exhilarated! Mummy had been reading to me books about the aeroplanes and making plane models with play-dough. I have also seen aeroplanes flying across the sky.. ooh.. i can't forget the fighter jets with ear-piercing noise zooming over our house on Singapore's birthday. So much about aeroplanes and now I'm going to go onboard one! This is indeed very anticipating and yearning!

Our flight was on 25 Aug 2010 at 3am. Quite unfatefully on 24 Aug morning, Daddy found me running a temperature while getting me ready for school. "Oh my.. how untimely.." Mummy was very worried that i may have contracted HFMD, which was at a peak then. She immediately checked my mouth, hands, foot and bottom for spots. Phew.. nothing. Mummy then brought me to see Physician Lee who gave some medicine to dispell 湿热.

Fully armed with all types of medications, Daddy decided that we proceed with our Yunnan trip. I was still feverish at about 38.5 deg celcius at the time of departure. It was 3am in the morning as we board the plane. I was simply too excited to think of sleep.

Wowee! I've got a window seat! After mingling around with the gadgets and saying 'Hi' to my front and back neighbours, the plane was ready to enter the runway. Lights were dimmed in the cabin and soon i felt my eyelids heavy..

When i opened my eyes, the cabin crew were beginning to serve breakfast and sunlight was slowing peeking into my window. Wow!! I had to wear my sunshades! Not long later, our plane landed at Kunming（昆明）.

I've not mentioned how honourable this trip was because of the presence of Huang DCS, DZ and numerous TZs. More importantly, 爷爷, 奶奶 and 四叔 are here too, with Aunty Meifeng and Aunty Lingjia. Our tour guide was a nice 阿黑哥 called 小陆. He is of the minority 壮族.

We visited stone forest (石林) on the first day, where we met a beautiful and intelligent 阿诗玛 guide. She told us enchanting stories of the stone formations, one of which is called the conscience stone (良心石). The stone had broken off of its parent rock during an earthquake. Resting precariously over two peaks, it is said that only people with clear conscience could cross under it. haha.. of cos i did it!

良心石

I was too shy to take picture with 阿诗玛姐姐。

Our dinner was at a vegetarian restaurant near to our hotel. It is in fact the only vegetarian restaurant in Kunming. Said to be owned and opened by Yuan Tong Temple (located just behind), this restaurant's business is brisk and hasn't been profitable. Lots of retailers and FnB businesses had been soliciting them to lease out the space but had been declined. Thanks to the wise reverends of Yuan Tong Temple we had a sumptuous spread of local vegetarian dishes. :-)

Early next morning, we took the domestic flight to Dali（大理）, from where we headed to Chicken Foot Mountain (鸡足山). Our local guide was a bubbly 金花 called 阿立, of the minority 白族. After a three-hour bumpy journey by coach, we finally arrived. Ascending Jizu Shan is definitely not chicken feet to anyone of us, even the fittest.

The first phase of the journey was by four-feet-- horses. Yeah!! This is the second adventure i've been looking forward to! Riding horses! Daddy first had me bundled inside the sarong and carried me against his chest. Then we were assigned a horse. "Zhirui, sayang the horse first." Daddy said and we stroke the horse together. He was a handsome boy with brown coat. Then we got up onto his back. This is real! :D

The passage by horse lasted an hour. So throughout the way, it was clip-clop clip-clop clip-clop.. and some Zzz... (heehee) and a "uh-oh!" I dropped my shoe when another oncoming horse brushed against my leg. Luckily we managed to retrieve it! After this experience, i knew more about horses. They are very reliable and careful animals. Many TZs including Mummy were terrified when the horses trodded at the edge of the path (off the edge is a cliff). It felt as they were walking on wire. As a matter of fact, horses, with eyes at the sides of their head, are able to see their sides clearly. They know what is danger and would choose the safest and easiest path to walk.

The second phase of the journey was by two-feet-- aka our own trotters. For me, thanks to my wonderful Daddy, i didn't had to 'lift a toe'. This part of our pilgrimage could have been assisted by cable car, but it was undergoing upgrading at that time. It was God's plan.."不经一番寒彻骨，焉得梅花扑鼻香"。 We thoroughly felt the hardship of ancient cultivators and their perserverance towards their mission. After almost 2 hours of steep and slippery ascend (think it is almost climbing a 100-storey tower), we finally reached Hua Shou Gate (华首门).

Daddy carrying me up the mountain.

At about 3000m altitude, we were surrounded by clouds and cold winds. Hua Shou Gate is magnificent! In geographical terms, it is a vertical cliff wall of the highest peak of Jizu Shan, measuring 40m height and 20m wide. It portrays the shape of a door, with two prominent rock protrusion mimicking the handles of an ancient gate. Running in between is a crackline which resembles the gap between two door flaps. The eldest disciple of Gautama Buddha（释迦摩尼佛）, Jia She Zun Zhe (迦叶尊者）is said to be residing within the mountain, awaiting the descend of Maitreya Buddha. According to the guide, Jia She zun zhe had revealed himself and emerged from the gate thrice in history. Though we were not fated to see Jia She zun zhe that day, we felt his presence and blessings throughout the ardous yet symbolic expedition.

Brr...

Paying respect at Hua Shou Gate

My parents and I did not stayed long at Hua Shou Gate as we were all thinly attired. Daddy calculated that the rain may fall soon and quickly made the descend. By now Daddy's shoulders were sore and legs were exhausted but he kept moving for fear that i may catch a cold. Thanks Daddy.. When we reached the horse station, it rained. We put on our raincoats and rode the same brown horse back. My pants and shoes were all drenched. It was cold but Daddy's heat kept me warm.
It was already dark when our horses reached. We had our dinner at a nearby eatery. Just as everyone thought we could quickly bunk into the local 3-star hotel, our coach broke down. Its battery 'died'. So we had to transfer to a small van and get to the hotel in batches. This ended the wet and eventful second day.

The third day started with a blackout in the hotel. Luckily it was nearing day break so it didn't disrupt our morning preparations. We visited Zu Sheng Temple （祝圣寺） in the morning and then proceeded back to Dali. Over in Dali, we learnt and experienced the culture of the minority group 白族 in a typical 白族 residence. I was one of the lucky guests to receive a token from the performers. Traditionally, it is a hand-woven sachet filled with herbs which young ladies would present to young men whom they fancy. (haha.. i'll save it for future use) Then we had a short shopping spree at Dali ancient city. Our hotel that evening is a building filled with rich oriental aura. I was pampered by the fine facilities, in particular the bathtub where i soaked for nearly 30mins. keke..

Our last day in Dali ended after a tour in Chong Sheng Temple （崇圣寺三塔）. This temple is huge and famous for its iconic pagodas. We then bade goodbye to our guide 阿立 and headed to the next destination-- Lijiang （丽江）. In Lijiang, our guide was 胖金妹-- 小和. She is of the minority group 纳西族, whose women are known to be very hardworking. In their traditional costume, there is this accessory leather that they hang behind their back with stars motifs. It symbolises the diligence of Na Xi women, working even into the night under the stars. 小和 brought us to Lijiang ancient city （丽江古城） first. It is a stuffily touristy place selling touristy stuff. Then we went to Hei Long Lake （黑龙潭公园）. I had lots of fun there with Aunty Meifeng and Lingjia. Completely exhausted, I slept without dinner that night.

The three pagodas at Chong Sheng Temple

Aunty Lingjia playing bubbles with me

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Scenery at Hei Long Lake

Me in Na Xi Zu costume

Fifth day- A scenic day as we visited some minorities cultural centres and Yu Long snow mountain (玉龙雪山）. I suffered lethargy due to high-altitude syndrome while hiking the mountain. Guess who came to my rescue?? Haha.. Chocolates!! Thanks Aunty Lingjia! I was later able to enjoy the picturesque turquoise lake. The lake got its unique colour from the rich copper minerals washed down from the mountain. Awesome!!

Yu Long Snow Mountain behind us.

Turquoise Lake

Saved by chocolates!!

At one of the stops, we met these two local jie jie. They were selling flower wreaths to us. Those flower wreaths were hand-made by them from wild flowers picked in the vicinity. Daddy bought the wreaths but did not took them. He said I'm a fortunate girl.

This same day, Daddy had to return to Singapore. He had told me a few times at different times of the day, but when the moment came, i still couldn't help shedding some tears..

Hello!

思考的脸

可爱的脸

小猪的脸

小叮当的脸

调皮的脸

妈妈爱宝贝的脸

Time flies during happy times. Our tour soon came to the sixth day and we were due to return to Kunming via domestic flight this morning. Resulting from the lack of sleep, i was in a terribly lousy mood, giving Mummy and my caregivers a hard time. During the security check on our handcarry, i refused to get out of my stroller and be carried by anybody else. (what's more sanity-challenging.. Mummy left the scissors in her handcarry, she had to drink the hotwater which we were carrying up the plane). When the plane touched down at Kunming, i refused to leave the plane. "I don't want Mummy!" i kept crying. Mummy had no choice but to carry me out by force. This finally went beyond Mummy's strength to withhold her tears..

Gratefully, the tour guide arranged us to check into the hotel first to let me catch a few winks. So we skipped the morning tour at Yuan Tong temple（圆通寺）. Aunty Meifeng was very kind to accompany Mummy and i at the hotel room. We then reunited with the group after lunch. We visited 竹寺 in the afternoon, followed by a shopping tour at a tea shop. Right there, i slept for a lengthy 2.5 hours in Mummy's arms (lucky Mummy had a place to sit). When i woke up, an aunty in the tea shop gave me mooncakes. Yummy!

The tour didn't end very well for Mummy as she contracted stomach flu on the last day, making her very weak. She had to miss all the attractions and stay in the coach or entrances to rest, and depended on Aunty Meifeng and Lingjia to take care of me. For little me, i try not to bother Mummy too much and let her rest (Mummy just had 2 spoons of porridge and soup for the whole day). Aunty Meifeng and Lingjia played bubbles with me and taught me how to take photos with the camera. Pinky was my model all the time (Pinky is an inflatable pig which Qiaolian tz bought me). See my works!

Pinky in a bed of flowers. Look out for Pandas!

Soon it was time to go home. We were taking a night flight at 10.30pm. Yet another timing that clashes with my sleep! Mummy was cleverer this time. Knowing that i'm wary of policemen enforcing laws, she explained to me that there are 'policemen' working in the airport and they need to check our baggage including stroller. I would need to get down from the stroller during the check, stand one side while the policeman check Mummy... blah blah blah.. I listen intently and cooperated with Mummy closely. Things went through swiftly! Yeah! While waiting to board, Mummy tucked me a bottle of milk and i fell asleep right after.

Sleeping on the plane is utterly uncomfortable. Thank goodness it's only a 3.5hours flight. Back at Changi airport, Daddy in his army uniform was waiting to bring us back to home sweet home. Alas..

Beside bringing home fond memories, i have also learnt these during the trip:
1) tell Daddy/Mummy when i have the urge to pass urine and hold my urine till we reach the toilet.
2) recognise and appreciate the kindness of others eg. DCS offering me a banana
3) social skills like making new friends of fotang and a few canines..

A canine friend from Lijiang

五育

Was listening to radio Capital 95.8 yesterday and heard this sharing on '五育' (5 aspects of education). It sounds somewhat like Howard Gardner's Multiple Intelligences which proposes 8 types of intelligences in human.

Anyway, this concept on 五育 gave me some insights to what perhaps a wholesome education encompasses.
1. 德育 (Nurturing moral values)
2. 智育 (Nurturing cognitive skills and wisdom)
3. 体育 (Nurturing physiques)
4. 群育 (Nurturing skills on human relationships)
5. 美育 (Nurturing a beautiful soul)
 
I had deep impression on 美育after listening to the program. It is about cultivating a beautiful heart, always appreciating the beauty of things and seeing the good side and loving oneself. 
 
Zhirui is a girl with a beautiful heart. She has acute sense of people's emotions and would make it her duty to help alleviate the pain from the person in distress. Just a week ago, we were at Ye ye's house. As usual, doting Ye ye brought Zhirui to buy some goodies. They came back with a packet of pokki biscuits. After opening up the packet, I gently reminded Zhirui to distribute the biscuit around before having one herself. So, happily she fluttered around the house like a fairy giving away biscuits. When she finally settled down to enjoy the treat, we heard a wailing sound.. Oh! It's Ye ye 'crying'.. (He's acting upset becos he didn't get any biscuit). I saw Zhirui's face went blank for few moments. Gathering back her thoughts, she quickly ran over to Ye ye with one stick, and ran back to me. At that point, we could see that Zhirui was on the verge of crying. And as we consoled her, she broke down to cry. 
 
Nai nai (Granny) said Zhirui has a heart of a Buddha. "She must have felt responsible for making Ye ye sad." I felt the same too. Zhirui is so kind-hearted. I was deeply touched by such a beautiful soul..
 
Recently, my conservative father reminded me not to let Zhirui cultivate vanity (hmm.. i suddenly realize where my bad dress sense comes from). But being a little lady, I felt it was ok for Zhirui to admire herself in front of the mirror. Being happy and feeling good about oneself is important in building one's self esteem. Well, at least such feelings should not be based wholly on appearance. To do that, parents must help children see their inner beauty (character, attitude, thoughts..) by praising them when they display such attributes. Concentrating on the good will produce more good. Caution: the contrary applies too. :)
 

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Ya tou with her signature smile and cute hairdo.

懂礼的孩子

"有教就有, 没教就没有"-- Teach me and I shall know.

Every parent of young children should know and believe in this Chinese phrase.. because it is a plain fact. Besides just being a plain fact, to some parents serious in the parenting business, it is a harsh fact.

As Chinese, i felt fortunate to be able to inherit traditional moral values from my ancestors. From filial piety to humility (八德- 孝、悌、忠、信、礼、义、廉、耻) and many more that form the foundation of our character. Talking about filial piety, there's a recent national campaign on this-- a multi-million dollar short film was produced and aired on TV and cinemas. (Marpig, if you haven't seen it, do catch it on youtube.)

I've no idea how this happened. But is definitely heartening to us. Zhirui at her tender age of 22 months has started to reciprocate her love and graciousness. When I tell her that Mummy's hands are tired after carrying her for a while, she would initiate to get down and walk on her own. She would pick vegetables for us on the dining table, massage Gong gong's back and serve him water when he visits our place.

One evening we were at Ye ye's house and ye ye brought her a packet of biscuits. I told her that to let everyone else have a piece of biscuit first before taking one herself. She did it and we praised her. From then on, she seemed to learn the virtue of placing others before herself. Whenever we bought goodies, Zhirui would remember to offer us one before eating.

On another occasion, we were in the lift and suddenly Zhirui said something. I didn't understand it that instant. Then after repeating the sounds, i realized it is, "No jumping on the lift. Can jump on the floor." "Ohh.. yes you are right Zhirui! No jumping on the lift. Can jump on the floor" My face was written all over with shock and joy!

Then one time, Zhirui caught me red-handed for not walking the talk. We were preparing to have our meals. Think Daddy brought Zhirui to wash her hands. And when we all sat down at the table, Zhirui blurted, "Mummy forget to wash her hands." I wish i could dig a hole and hide myself.. hahaha.. Even sb was laughing at me.

真的是 "有教就有, 没教就没有"!

Happy feet

What's the definition of swimming?? Loosely speaking, it is the active movement in water, carried out by animals (i believe in all cases?).

To little ya tou, she took on a broader perspective- anything moving in the water is swimming. hehe.. So you'll hear her say this when she scoop some rice into her soup- "Mummy, rice swimming." I'll smile at her when she say this.

Ya tou, like me, does not like to be wet. Hmm.. no wonder my amniotic fluid was low during pregnancy.. :) She will protest against showering her hair everytime. So i've not been optimistic about her going swimming...

Strange as it can be.. she has been telling us she wants to go swimming, usually after finding her swimming float (while ransacking her cupboard) or passing by the swimming complex along the way to Granny's house.

Well so we granted her wish a month ago. We went to Yishun Safra but were turned away as we were not members. To not disappoint her, we detoured to Yishun swimming complex. After dedressing her bare to a just piece of panty, Daddy took her towards the children's pool. This was the beginning of a 40 minutes coaxing of Zhirui to step out of her comfort zone (the wide-spaced steps leading to the pool). She hovered between the first and second steps, refusing to go further. Daddy lured her in by playing throw-and-catch game with her float, which finally succeeded!

Once she's into the pool, she began flitting about with her float like a hummingbird. Zhirui, well done in conquering your 'self-perceived limitation'! I was not happy to tears, but was definitely beaming with joy and clicking my shutters away to capture the great moment. haha.. :D

During the second trip to the pool, that was just a week later, she took just 10mins to condition her mind.

And during the last trip, when I joined her, she didn't need any conditioning. Way to go!

Ahh.. The joy of being parents, part of it, is helping your child to be a better person than the day before and at the same time, be a better parent than the day before.

A voyage in the sea of classics

Opps i've been lagging quite behind in blogging.. Many new experiences have added into ya tou's life, many concepts have crossed my mind regarding parenting, and many funny episodes being a mother to ya tou..

Hmm.. ok let's touch on the new concepts i've learnt regarding early childhood education first. It's not the traditional kind, widely researched, proven and textbooked theories/concepts. But something amazing yet very back-to-basics.

Recently i revisited a VCD which had been in long existence in our house. It is a lecture by Prof Wang Cai Gui (王财贵) about promoting classic recitals (读经). In the beginning of his lecture, he dressed down on the current education system that is ruining our young-- forcing children to swallow down age-inappropriate knowledge/skills-- in the midst, killing their innate spirits to learn.

I relate this well, especially in Singapore context where i grow up in, children often get frustrated for not being able to grasp concepts and therefore, give up learning. They develop lots of negative feelings towards learning. Because the education system set this standard, every parent and child have to struggle to meet the mark. A Chinese proverb "拔苗助长" describes perfectly. Literally, it means pulling out the young sprout to assist its growth. How foolish! The fact is once our brain are fully developed at about 18 years old (and provided our brain are well-developed), we can comprehend things with ease. Right now, think many young brains are poisoned by stress, frustration, rejections, low self-esteem..

So what can we do about this? Well, for one, you can migrate. haha.. Or revamp the education system (guess one needs to be 'up there' to do it), or enhance your child learning capacity and buffer your child from brain-poisions (negative feelings, attitudes towards life). Negative energy shuts the brain down.

Prof Wang has a solution ie. classic recitals. Classics like The Analects (论语), Tao De Jing (道德经), The Great Learning (大学) are repositories and essence of immense knowledge and intricate language. For example, to record infinite teachings into finite documents, one needs to use a concise and accurate way of expression. In Chinese, this way of writing is known as 文言文. Reciting and memorising these classics can help to expand the neuron network of the brain. The golden period to do this is between the age of 0-13years. Furthermore, early exposure to classical music and different foreign language is also a way to make more connections. I'm also planning to bring ya tou to the art gallery for art appreciation! :)

Having said here, Marpig if you are reading, you may start to help me bring some more foreign language cds back from UK.. :)

Anyway, I've been focusing on German for past year. Got a couple of audio cds for ya tou. Well I've yet to hear any "Guten tag" slipping from her lips. Interestingly, she picked up some Spanish "Ola" and "Adios" from the 'Lots to Learn' children dvd series.

An early switch to Sping Brainy Kidz

On 30 April when I went to pick up Zhirui from nanny's house, tz confided to me that she wish to cease her babysitting service and that day shall be the last day. The news struck like a flash of lightning on a sunny day..

I fully understand the reasons behind tz's decision. Her health is getting poorer and her children must have been very concerned about this. But somehow, I felt my eyes wet when telling her "it's ok". I was sad. Not because nanny couldn't babysit Zhirui anymore, but why I'm such a bad mummy who needs to rely on others to take care of my beloved child.

Accepting all these which I've long expected, sb and I decide that it's time for Zhirui to enter a childcare centre. Ya tou really enjoys learning and we believe she'll be happy in the enriching environment.

Immediately next day (Labour day), we called up Joy from Spring Brainy Kidz about the early enrolment. We had previously inform her that Zhirui will attend the centre in mid-May or June. Gladly, she welcomed us and gave us a centre tour on the same morning. Zhirui looks happy with her new school.

On the first day of school, we were greeted by Joy and Stephanie who conducted the toddlers class. Zhirui was more interested in the kitchen toy set than teacher's class. The month's theme is creepy crawlies so there was a nature walk outdoors to find insects. Zhirui and her friends had lots fun observing ants, butterflies, grasshoppers in the garden. At about 11 plus, Zhirui started to get unsettled and asked to go home. Stephanie, the school's principal shared with me the emotional roller coaster Zhirui might experience during her transit into the new environment. To make this less traumatic for ya tou, she advised that I bring Zhirui home and gradually increase the Zhirui's school hours in the days to come.

Second day, Zhirui showed great enthusiasm in going to school again. She could recognise the school's front gate when our car drew close. Stephanie advised that I play the 'missing game' later for 2 hours and come back after ya tou's shower at 12pm. The key is to mentally prepare her by telling repeatedly mummy will be going out and will be back at a specified time to pick her. It's important to keep assuring the child. So when Zhirui was happily engaged in her art work, I bid goodbye to her and left.

When I returned, Zhirui was showering. The moment she saw me, she beamed happily and screamed "Mummy is here!" haha.. :) Stephanie said that she did asked about me when I was away.

On the third day, Zhirui somehow knew that I was going to play missing again. She refused to make eye contact with me when I told her that I'll be going away. (Stephanie said Zhirui is ignoring me, a way of expressing her disacknowledgement.. very smart child!) But i still need to go... I told her i was leaving when she's busy playing. Came back at 2.30pm (supposedly her nap ends at 3pm), to find that she's participating in the teachers' meeting. :) Again, she screamed, "Mummy's here!" when I appeared. haha..

I wanted to bring her home but ya tou was quite keen to stay longer. So we stayed together till outdoor play. There was rain so the children were grounded indoors. But when it reduced to light drizzling, I can't bear to withhold Zhirui's eagerness to play anymore and gave the green light. The air was cool and fresh. I took off Zhirui's shoes and let her run barefoot on the soft wet turf. Joy was quite amazed. She said most parents are very protective and won't allow teachers to do that. "Why not?" I thought. :)

Shame and Humility (恥)

Shame [sheym] noun
- an uncomfortable feeling of guilt or of being ashamed because of your own or someone else's bad behaviour
[extracted from Cambridge online dictionary]

Zhirui is indeed a mature toddler. Sounds contradicting? hee.. yes, I mean it, she is a mature toddler. :) For one, she knows the humility (恥).

Since the day Mummy bought her the 'Little Mr and Miss' characters panties, little Zhirui has been pretty keen in wearing them. So much so that she didn't want to wear any shorts/skirt over them. Daddy says she is 'super girl'. :D kakaka..

As we were preparing to leave the house one morning, Zhirui, proudly in her panties, refused to wear her shorts. "Shame shame, liu liu xiao..." But no matter how much we explain what the appropriate 'gai gai' attire should be, she insisted being little super girl.

Then Daddy said," O.. if you don't wear shorts, auntie will laugh at you.." Just at this point in time, a neighbour pass by. Guess she overheard our conversation with ya tou and said, "O.. shame shame.. girl girl didn't wear shorts." Zhirui immediately turned into a cooperative child and wore her shorts.

Two days later, super girl reappeared and stood firm in wearing her panties without shorts. In the midst of the struggle, a familar sound came. It's the opening noise of Auntie Miah's gate. "O! Auntie is coming out! She is going to laugh at Zhirui for not wearing her shorts." Wow, I've never seen such swift trotters. She slotted her legs into the shorts within split seconds and was done before Auntie reached our door.

Haha.. my little ya tou.. you do know how to save your face. Very smart! :P

Are you smarter than a 5th grader? <百萬小學堂> after thoughts

hmm.. can anyone or has anyone define what a wholesome education is?

I feel that being the parent of a preschooler is a visonary task and definitely more intricate than that of a primary school kid parent.

Why? Because at this age, you are setting the foundation for your child.. Any brick layed now will have effects in her future. As the brain is actively making connections now, it may be possible that inappropriate connections are made due to info she receives from her environment, and this may subsequently shape her character, values and perception. O my.. now you see why my shoulders are always so heavy. :(

The Taiwanese had their version of the US variety show "Are you smarter than a 5th grader". Just watched an episode with SB this morning at 1am. Here are some questions asked in the show.
- How many 'white' and 'black' keys are there on the piano?
- Is the composer of xxx a French?
- What is the element that make up diamond?

As we watched the show, we felt quite (annoyingly) puzzled why a school-going child has to know how many keys there are on a piano. Seems to us that the modern education system is still obsessed with knowledge acquisition. Not doubting the power and usefulness of knowledge, perhaps emphasis can be reduced more.

I remember among my friends, we used lament about this, "Why study so hard to learn integration and differentiation (math)? Don't even need to use it in work now. All the calculations are done by the computer.."

Hmm.. should there be an education revolution? I don't know.. but for sure, I won't demand Zhirui to know how many of keys there are on a piano. keke.. :P

Ya tou on steep learning curve

Seeing ya tou, i can't help being in awe at how smart young children are! My ya tou is on dangerously steep learning curve now. She acquiring knowledge and skills in speed which is quite beyond our expectation of a one and a half year old child. O well, maybe it's our ignorance. haha..

Erm, apologise if the following is boring. Just jounalising ya tou's development here.

1. same-same concept
Relating similar/same things. I can't quite remember on what context she exhibited this. But definitely she can tell me that the white horse on this book is the similar to the brown horse on that book. "Mummy, same same."

2. consolating
We borrowed this nlb book on emotions (Duck & Goose series). There's a page where the goose is crying. When reading this page, i'll always say, "The goose is sad. Don't cry, you are a brave goose." while stroking the goose. Now, ya tou does the same. She'll consolate and 'sayang' the goose and say, "Don't cry."

3. violin-ing
This is very cute. It all started when Daddy taught her the actions of playing a violin while listening to Vivaldi's 'Four Seasons'. Ya tou immediately picked it up. From then, whenever we ask, "how do you play a violin?" or hear classical music, she'll start to play her violin.

4. singing and composing
Ya tou had always love listening to songs and mummy's singing. She can partially sing songs like 'Old Macdonald had a farm', 'Itsy winsey spider', 'Ba ba black sheep', 'Do re me', 'Twinkle twinkle little star', 'Rain rain go away' (funny, she sings this when it rains), 'Xiao mi feng'.. But more splendidly, she composes! We'd heard her composing and singing her own tune. Really! :)

5. independence
A display of self-reliance, ya tou now likes to do things on her own. In the aspects of eating, hands washing, ascending/descending stairs, passing urine, bathing and even wearing panties. OMG! She can even help Mummy run errands these days. :P

6. sentencing
Arising from the motivation for food, comes ya tou's first sentence 'I want biscuit'. She has yet to say, "I want Mummy." which means my appeal is less than that of a little cookie.. what?! hehe.. anyway, good job Zhirui! Recently, she could recite San Zi Jing too. :)

Auntie is my best friend

Our family is blessed with a wonderful neighbour, Miah. She helps to inform us when we forgot to take in our laundry during rain, shares her cooking, waters our plants, washes the common corridor, picks up our slippers or potted plants when they got blown off by strong gusts or when the town council does the high-jet water cleaning.

We are even more grateful for her love for ya tou. She dotes on Zhirui as much as we do. Many times, she happily accompanies ya tou when I need to get some grocery or cook meals. The way she offers help is so subtle. When she sees me cooking, she'll come by and call Zhirui and bring her over to her home to play. Ya tou was especially facinated with Miah's guppies when younger. As if a routine, she'd pull the little plastic chair to the side of the fish tank and intently observe the swimming guppies. Now, she loves digging the toy box where Miah stores the toys pre-loved by her two boys. Catch her playing soccer balls and toy guns these days! Piang!! Piang!! O my~! :P

There seems to be a special bond (yuan fen) between Zhirui and her. Zhirui calls, "Auntie!" whenever she comes home or hears the sound of Auntie's gate opening. She is always so enthusiatic when she calls or sees Auntie. Auntie is indeed Zhirui's best friend. :)

These are some photos taken by Miah at her house.

Top: Ya tou visiting Auntie in this year's CNY.

Bottom: Ya tou sitting on the little plastic chair beside the fish tank and playing Piang Piang!!

I'm half-way toilet-trained

Since last month, Ya tou has shown her ability to indicate her urge to pass urine and would request us to bring her to the toilet! That's wonderful as we can now save Earth's resources by using less diapers. I have been feeling pretty guilty all this while for contributing to the world's ever-increasing undegradable rubbish.

Thanks to Zheng tz who patiently trained her. When Ya tou is home, we would let her go bare-bottom (but with shorts/pants on). When she needs the loo, she will tell us "Shh shh" and we will bring her to the toilet. Sometimes, when she's slow in communicating to us, especially during engrossed playing, she'll wet her pants. On certain days, I find her wardrobe running out of shorts!

Last sunday, I went shopping for Ya tou's panties becos her shorts/pants were giving friction to her bottom and causing redness. Hmm.. I've never imagined getting her panties at this young age. haha.. but it feels good cos it shows that Ya tou has grown up! :)

As to passing motion, she is still not ready to do it in the toilet. Nanny tried many ways to teach her but she just prefer doing it on her diapers. We'll leave things to go by nature's course then. 

Childcare centre hunt

I thought I needn't start googling for "childcare centre in Yishun" until another one year after finding Zhirui's present nanny.

But from the look of it, Zhirui's present nanny will not be able to look after her for long.. For reasons:
1) nanny's grandson will be due in Jul/Aug. Which means there will be no room for Zhirui then.
2) nanny's health has been suffering since she took up the task
3) jx is not very pleased that he has to share his Grandmother with Zhirui..

The above factors are not within our control, so it's better to start planning for Ya tou's child care needs.

There are many things going thru my mind. One is, believing that '三岁定终身', should I take no pay leave and stay home to take care/educate Ya tou till she turns three? But knowing myself is not the type who can face the child whole day alone, this option will be very challenging (or killing). Ok, how about going part-time so that I can have a balance?

When I told MP about staying home to teach Zhirui, she discourages becos she feels that we (stay-home mums) won't be able to teach many things at home as compared to in childcare centres. Example is phonics. Huh?? But is phonics more important than the (emotional) well-being of a child (feeling secured and loved when her mother spends time playing with and teaching her child personally)? Hmm.. this seems to be the mentality of many Singaporean parents. They tend to weigh academic acheivement more than anything.   

Anyway, if we can find a childcare centre which can provide holistic development, we will consider putting Zhirui into it. So the search was on. Contacted a few centres and viewed them with SB. We liked "My little campus" but the principal could only confirm Ya tou's enrolment for playgroup 2011 next week.

Hopefully there will be a place for Ya tou. Otherwise, we would really need to start our own child care centre (which SB has been contemplating!). :)

Little poet

Ya tou is progressing very fast in picking up her mother tongue. In fact, many people were awed by her accurate pronounciation of Chinese words.

Since young, Ya tou has been surrounded by recitals of chinese classics like 弟子规 (Standards for being a Good Student and Child)  , 三字经 (Three-worded classic), 大学 (The Great Learning), 朱子治家格言etc. We believe that drawing on ancient moral teachings to mould Ya tou's character is better than anything.

Seeing Ya tou's great advancement in speech, Daddy started to introduce Tang poems (唐诗) to Zhirui. By 18 months, she could recite Li Bai (李白)'s Thoughts in the Silent Night (静夜思). Now, Daddy is teaching her the "登鹳雀楼" by 王之涣 and 大学.

Really love listening to ya tou's sweet little voice reciting these great poems. :)

Some people might doubt the benefits & relevance of reciting ancient poems, besides the probable improvement to Chinese language. I too, have no real idea how this might be good to Ya tou's character development since she would not quite understand them. But what I do strongly believe is the energy. I believe there is good energy from these scriptures that can influence the reader positively. Something which I can only explained by this Chinese phrase "潛移默化". :)

Dead fish

We had a few fish magnets on our fridge which always drew Zhirui's interests. The sight of these fish magnets will trigger off non-stop lugging on Mummy to get them down from the fridge. 
You know how children 'play' with things. Their only mode of play is to throw and see things break apart. haiz.. that goes the fate of the magnets. The fish broke off from the magnetic piece and could no longer be used.

I told Zhirui. "The fish has died." and she gave me a sad look and moaned. I was very surprised by her reaction and that she understood the word 'die'. I don't remember saying this word to her before. It seems that she could relate 'die' with something very bad and depressing. 

During one ESP lesson in Shichida, the children were asked to 'see' what's inside a cooking pot. The options given were a carrot, a vegetable and a fish. When asked to choose the object, Zhirui seems doubtful when her finger came close to the fish. When teacher asked, "is this your final answer?", she changed her mind and hit on the vegetable. The answer revealed. It was a fish inside the cooking pot. Good try Zhirui! :)

But I wondered why she did not choose the fish. She usually scored full marks in ESP. hmm.. could it be because it was a dead fish??
 

Shichida Methodology and parenting

Have been slow in updating this blog recently as much of my energy was spent on reading up on the Shichida's concept in child upbringing and making some home practices tools.

Here are some approaches which I've picked up regarding cultivating an environment friendly for right brain development. I feel that these are great tips to guide my parenting journey.

1. Accept the child as she is. Do not enter into a battle with the child as that will give rise to negativity (negative energy) and stress for both of parent and child. This shuts down the right brain.

Acceptance can be demonstrated by:
a) Listening to her
I'm guilty of not listening to Zhirui enough. We tend to forget this becos as parents, we always have 1001 things (more often, instructions) to tell our children. Zhirui's ex-nanny (JH tz) is a wonderful listener to Zhirui's then babbling. She would spend time sitting down with her on the couch and chat with her. She would ask her questions and listen to her answers and views, and comment. Amazingly, she said that Zhirui does understands her. A common saying goes, "Life mirrors what you do." If I refuse to listen to Zhirui, Zhirui will refuse to listen to me.     

b) Respecting her
Instead of rejecting her requests or wants straight, can try putting it across this way, "Mummy understands that you wish to... .... Mummy will let you ... ... when ... ..."

c) Believing in her.
When you truly believe in your child, you do not compare her with her peers and give up on her. Refrain from showing your disappointment when she does not meet expectations. Keeping encouraging her and reaffirm that she is really great! (Becos she really is!!)

After accepting the child as she is, teach her the proper so that she may slowly change her behavior.

Just remember a simple principle: Love opens up the mind, mind opens up the brain. Parental love is more important than anything in unveiling every child's potential. But love has to be conveyed in the right way. Loving without education will spoil the child.

2) Practise deep breathing before the home practices. When doing this, left brain waves switches to right brain waves, hence activating the right brain.

3) Apologize to the child for implanting negative tots.

4) Practise 8 seconds hugging, i.e. to hug your child for 8 seconds. This 'conveys' love to your child better. :)

Something worth pondering:
"Most mothers think that they love their children enough but most children think that their mothers don't love them enough."
The reasons I think, is probably because (1) mothers' love are not effectively conveyed to their children, or (2) mothers are loving their children in ways that their children do not accept, or (3) simply mothers do not shower enough love.

Hopefully I'm not the third kind of mother.. ;)