Somethings about EQ

It was the parents-teacher conference at Spring Brainy Kidz two Saturdays ago. Teacher Ezah and Teacher Joy shared with us the progress of ya tou's development. I must say that the school has put in commendable efforts to present ya tou's portfolio with photos and videos of her in action. Great job teachers!

When mentioned about Zhirui's social development, Zhirui was given the comments "a compromising girl, but yet will fight for her rights". Wow!! A paradox! Sounds profound isn't it? Hmm.. that's probably what's call EQ.. the intelligence of knowing how to respond in different situations.

I've learnt through reading that bringing up children with good emotional intelligence (EQ) starts from letting them express and understand their emotions. Because EQ is a process of being sensitive to one’s own feelings, taking into account the feelings of others, and using these information to express an appropriate action to a given situation.

For example, when Zhirui cries or throws a tantrum, I'll guide her to identify and understand her emotions like this, "Zhirui, you must be feeling upset that Mummy didn't allow you to snack before dinner. If I were you, I'll be feeling unhappy too. Mummy is not disallowing snacking totally. You may have some biscuits after dinner if you are still hungry."

There are some other tips-
1. Refrain from reprimanding the child or suppressing or labelling her emotions.. something like, "Don't cry, if you continue to cry, I will not give you any biscuits." or "You are such a cry baby." We should respect everyone's feelings, including your child's.

2. Acknowledge their emotions. Zhirui has a fear for thunder. This is how i validate her feelings. "Oh yes, thunder can sometimes be very loud that it frightens us. Mummy gets frightened too at times. Just cover your ears if it's too loud."

3. During emotional eruptions, i'll leave Zhirui to vent out all her frustrations (or may try deep breathing exercise when she's willing to listen). It usually doesn't last long as she knows this doesn't work on Daddy and Mummy. Once she finds herself back, i'll sit down beside her to discuss the emotions that went through and suggest some positive ways she could respond if such situation happens again. Lastly, ends it with a hug and a 'I love you Zhirui."

4. During day-to-day conversations, where opportunities come by, i'll share my emotions with her too. "Mummy is very glad that Zhirui waited patiently for me." or "Mummy is upset that you wasted water."

5. Story-telling helps me to introduce emotions to Zhirui too. She learns to understand the causes of emotions and how others feel under certain situation. In this way, i hope she will learn to emphatise and also be cautious of her own actions which can influence the feelings of others around her.

Sidetracking here, I realized that many Asian parents tend to get angry at our children's misbehaviour. This is inevitable. But it is wise that parents differentiate what a misbehaviour is, and what is not. For example, i don't think we should not be giving a toddler a dressing down when he messes the table up during a meal. Becos this is not a misbehaviour, but a natural display when children learn to feed themselves. Many a times, we view their curious exploration as naughtiness. So before you jump at your child, step back and think from the point of view of your child. If it is a mischief, go ahead with the discipline. If it is a harmless curiosity-driven behaviour, relax and let him experience the fun of self-discovery.

See Zhirui's new expression- *Angry face*