More about building Ya tou's character

They say it's impossible to change a leopard's spots. I beg to differ.. when it comes to a leopard cub. Relating back to humans, I feel that it is possible (with very high success rate) to mould a child's character. It has to start young.

A person's personality comes about from an interaction of 'nature' and 'nuture' elements. Nature itself has two components- 1) true self/conscience  and 2) attributes inherited from past lives. The 'nurture' part is determined by the person's environment, the people he meets and the information he receives. This is the reason why Mencius' mother shifted her residence 3 times and the absence of television in MM Lee's house (a hearsay).

Sb and I have been very cautious in selecting Zhirui's nanny when she was younger. We were very fortunate to find Jiahui tz and Zheng tz to look after Zhirui then. Jiahui tz herself is a successful mother of two intelligent and courteous boys. She is an expert in preparing healthy meals according to Zhirui's body condition. She is careful in protecting Ya tou's young mind by not being negative in speech. Her house is also filled with books and occasional live orchestra 'performances' by Chen tz and Jianyun.

Sb believes that a child's company (caregiver, teachers, family, friends) is the key defining factor to his/her character and development. So don't worry if you can't afford a piano at home, let her visit your musician friend often, because only life can inspire life.

I remember these sayings: "Be the change you wish to see", "Change yourself before changing others." Many a times we hope to change our children, not realizing that we have to change ourselves first. If you want your child to be courteous, be a courteous person yourself, not just when you're in front of your child, but at all times with your spouse, parents, etc. Life truely mirrors.

I have been thinking what values and character i wish to see in ya tou.. Let's see..
- kind, compassionate
- helpful
- confident
- strong and courageous, independent
- self-unlimiting
- perservering
- good EQ
- forgiving
- positive
- far-sighted and wise

Am i too greedy?? haha.. it sounds almost like a perfect human.

Some stories about nurturing kindness and forgiveness..
Kindness: We have ants scavenging in our bathroom. When Zhirui bathes, the water will wash some of these ants away. I'd show ya tou how to save the ants when this happens.

Forgiving: At times when ya tou misbehaves and upsets me, she would come by and say "sorry Mummy". I will tell her, "Mummy forgives you." When the opposite happens where i make Zhirui upset, i'll ask Zhirui, "Can you forgive Mummy?". She will let out a small grin and say 'Yes". Similarly when Marcus upsets her in school, I will encourage Zhirui to forgive Marcus.

I can't mention more about building character over skills. Probably because we live in Singapore where every assessments and decisions must derive from quantifiable data, parents tend to measure their children by the amount/degree of skills they have (becos skills are measurable). So you see enrichment classes/schools flourishing in every neighbourhood, parents pumping their children with various skills. I hope we could also focus more on character-building because when sound character is inplaced, everything else will fall into place nicely. Rear a child with admirable inner qualities and not just a fanciful shell. Our child will thank us for that.